Monday, January 4, 2010

reflecting on 2009

2009 was a year of growth for me. Some of the happiest, craziest, challenging, and most life-changing events took place this year and it’s hard to imagine how fast it all came and went. I moved to Los Angeles about 16 months ago and during the first 5 months of trying to find a job, I lived off of my college savings. That meant no money to buy clothes, barely enough to buy basic necessities, and very limited money for food. Most of my money went to paying the rent and paying bills. I started to feel so desperate and immensely depressed. I needed help but had no one to turn to. At one moment, I remember thinking, “How am I going to get through this?” I had $47 dollars to my name and rent was due the next month. I couldn’t help but feel like a complete failure. “Why am I here? Did I make the right decision when I gave up everything to come here? Is this dream really worth it? Why do I feel so alone?”

It was a slap of reality in the face, the kind of slap that gave me a chance at self-realization. In one year, I came from a self-entitled mindset, thinking I can conquer the world and do it all to realizing that no, it’s not going to be easy and things aren’t just going to be handed to me. I was challenged and tested and God brought me out of it. The emotional and financial stress came to a halt when I turned it all to my Heavenly Father. There is a God and yes, He is faithful. 2009 gave me a chance to live life differently. It was a year of coming out and growing up. So as I reflect back on 2009, I feel nothing but blessed and optimistic—because 2010 is going to be an amazing one.
But no pressure... ;)

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